Former L.A. entertainment lawyer, seeking peace & quiet in his hometown. Boy, was he wrong.

Rowdy, free-spirited artist with a mysterious past. Sexual tension with Darren? You betcha.

Self-absorbed Mayor of Millerstown for as long as anyone can remember – not that they’re trying.

The Force is with him. Secretary of Treasury and geek. Speaks fluent Klingon AND Romulan.

Vain and insecure, she clings to her youth like a koala bear to a eucalyptus tree.

Retired Marine, puts the “gun” in “gung-ho.”

If you’ve never been overworked and underpaid, Bob will tell you all about it. Constantly.

Owner of the General Store. It’s not funny, but it’s true. Will have a lot of problems with customs officials.

Who RAWKS? Garry RAWKS!! Hard!!! 20’s rocker, Beth’s ex and wants her back, but not so badly that he doesn’t try to put the moves on Danielle all the time.

Garry’s lazy best friend. Doesn’t always have Garry’s best interests in mind if the result will be entertaining.

Al Chang’s Chinese Food presents this bio of Al Chang.

She’s in ur base, stealin’ ur b0ifriends!

Son of Bob, nephew of Ed, pain in the butt to Morris

Served in the U.S. Marines with Ed, now he serves cakes and cookies as owner of the bakery.

Television anchorwoman. She brings you the news so you don’t have to go to it.

The question isn’t whether he’s the oldest America Jr. citizen or just one of the oldest – it’s whether he’s the horniest or just one of them.

Like Junior, a social armchair quarterback, if the armchair is really a bench and the game is complaining.

A tree-hugging, patchoolie-wearing vegan, she’s so far to the Left you need a widescreen monitor to see her.

Ava’s son and Jimmy Decker’s best friend. Think of him as a 10-year-old Mario Lopez without the stigma of having been on “Saved By the Bell.”

Darren’s ex. Hollywood’s 306th best actress and model, but not a model wife.